I am puke
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
