im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
