Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
