Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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