i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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