Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize