You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
