I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
