One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
