They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
