So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
