Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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