I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize