And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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