ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
home. puking in laundry basket.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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