You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Pooping to opera.
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