Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize