carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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