I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
