she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
