My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
