the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
