that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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