I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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