Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
