im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
im holly from the hills drunk
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
