hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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