i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Too much gin, very little bucket
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize