Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
