I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
