Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
