Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
