Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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