Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize