Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
