oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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