I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
