everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
