i think i have two assholes
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
