im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
