He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize