you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
