Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
