is your mom at the bar?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
