I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
