I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
