Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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