i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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