he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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