...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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