Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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