Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
