One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
