I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
