Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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