Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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