just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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