It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
