i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
