I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
