Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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