i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
