I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
