Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
