Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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