Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
