you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
