Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
