your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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