he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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