Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
