Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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