you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
