Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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